Peter once asked our Lord how many times he had to forgive someone. Jesus replied seven times seventy and immediately followed it with an illustration (probably because of the look on Peter’s face). The story illustrates his point that the point is not with the offender, but with the one being offended. As the offendee, we can’t control what others do–we can only control what we do. Good advice for that reason alone.
We forget we are sometimes the offender, thus the Lord portrays the protagonist almost as an amnesic moron in the story. Since we have skewed memories about what we do and perfect memories about what others do, one way to improve our memory is to examine our own behavior every time we are offended. Opportunities abound don’t they? An opportunity to turn the tables on ourselves and allow another divine learning curve when we experience pain from another person. Sounds heartless that we need to learn a lesson when we’re the one hurting, but what other time do we listen to God that intently? He said offenses would come. So the cure he has for us is exaggerated to get our attention.
By offended, I’m not meaning abused or assaulted. In A Man With A Millstone Around His Neck I address this, especially as it relates to a child. The Lord is not saying anyone can abuse you seven times seventy; instead, he says that if you do it once to my little ones it would be better to have a millstone around your neck. This scripture is a grave warning to this kind of sin.
I’ve been victorious at forgiving that kind of sin. The traumatic events in my life. It wasn’t easy, but with the help of a counselor, I was able to overcome the challenges of past traumas. This is a huge accomplishment. But what about the garden variety of offenses or disappointments from loved ones, friends and acquaintances? They are the real test. Lies said about you. Friends who walked away when you needed them most. The bosses from hell and co-workers from Devils Island. Rude clerks, cruel teachers, and judgmental people. Being overlooked, taken for granted, or unappreciated.
Even when we say it doesn’t bother us or it’s not worth our time, we still plop a pebble in our heart. Our pliable fleshy heart, the only type of heart God can use, is growing stonier by the minute. And forgiving is not enough, otherwise our Lord would’ve commanded Peter only to forgive, and forwent the story entirely. I can stoically forgive someone and feel superior like the Pharisee that I am. The next step: The Lord hands me The Flashlight to use during my soul searching. Have I lied to someone? Walked away from a friend? Been bossy, rude, mean or broken a promise? Have I overlooked anyone? Been cruel, taken them for granted, or not appreciated them? And then, conveniently, amnesic with the Lord concerning it?
My first clue I deposited these pebbles was that I had lost my joy. A joyless Christian life is an indicator of your concrete mess. A miserable place to be. I thought it was from all the fiery darts shooting at me. But it wasn’t. It was the hardening of my heart so the arrows would ping off somehow and not cause any more bleeding.The worst part is that God’s love can’t flow through us. It’s dammed up with all kinds of debris invading our entire spirit. It contaminates our essence and our beauty. It causes lines between our eyes and tense muscles. You look like you’ve been kicked around the block–and not because you have, but because your heart is heavy and exhausting to carry around. That’s enough for me to stop.
The next time someone offends you–don’t blow it away, don’t say it doesn’t matter–those are pebbles. Protect your heart where Christ resides. It’s been ransomed and bought with a price. Keep it fleshy with short accounts with loved ones and friends. Confront in love if needed, forgive and ask for forgiveness. Get counsel if issues are complicated and need sorting out from a third party who can assist in healing and moving forward.
In Ephesians, Paul writes in his letter to put on the full armor of God. We wrestle not with flesh and blood, we wrestle with the sin in others and the sin in us, with sometimes great fun and assistance from our real enemy the devil. Place your emphasis on joy and purpose in life. Fight to keep your heart in good condition so that you can be used of God.
Let God sort it out. He keeps his promises so you can keep your joy. He will never leave you or forsake you. Let his love flow through you once more, with your beautiful fleshy heart, pliable and useful in his hands. It’s an ideal way to live.