At different stages of my life I’ve set goals. Some of them major or pinnacle moments in my life. When I was a teenager, it was to obtain a driver’s license, and pierce my ears so I could wear hoop earrings. When I got married (which curiously was never on my list), my goal was to have children, and learn how to make homemade bread, among other ventures. Each set of goals came at different stages of my life with an element of fear of the unknown. But I overcame my fears and succeeded. This year my goal was to set up a professional website and the biggest unknown of all, to finally get on Facebook.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was only the first day that was harrowing. All my adult children and my grandchildren and their children; my sisters and brother’s children and grandchildren and step and great-grandchildren; my close friends and their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren; friends I haven’t seen for years and their children and their children’s children; not to mention all the above and their mutual friends, with profile pictures ranging from seductively glamourous selfies, to pets, landscapes, to some guy with his entire head and neck tattooed, downloading at record speed, wanting to know if I knew them, and if I wanted to be friends. My thirty-something daughter, Anna, was with me holding my hand as I got dizzy with this world in another dimension, and everyone I knew, and didn’t know, flashing before my eyes.
“Here’s Dennis, you want to be friends?” Anna asked.
“Uh, Dennis–no! Friends with a girlfriend’s husband?”
“Not that kind of friend, Mom.”
“I guess.” I said, taking a swig of water. “I don’t want to ‘not friend’ him.”
“You can unfriend him later.”
“Well, that would be rude.” I said, surprised I still had to teach my daughter etiquette.
“You can hide it, he won’t even know.”
I had to sit down. I broke out in a hot flash and guzzled more water. Finally, I finished friending generations of family members of biblical proportion, and acquaintances near and far. Then I logged out, feeling like I had just thrown a huge party at my house, and pushed the last guest out the door. But I knew, these friends, had not really gone home. They were still there, waiting for me, behind the door.
The next day, refreshed and less sweaty, I opened the door. Everyone rolled in, still partying! On my feed were postings from my brother with cartoons and jokes. I must admit, they made me lol, but mind you this is from a brother who in person, has to be coaxed into a conversation. Then scrolling down, a cool video of my three-year-old granddaughter jumping, flying high in the air on the living room sofa in slow motion. Her hair and dress twirling around her, landing at the other end of the sofa at her dad’s feet. Wonderful to see my granddaughter having so much fun–I will now, no longer scold her when babysitting, to quit jumping on the couch! Then a slew of affirmations, warnings, celebrations, and business ads, from all my friends partied on.
This conveyor belt communication took some getting used to. I poured myself a cup of coffee, and upon returning, another set of partying friends arrived, except my brother was still there with more jokes that made me lol, along with more affirmations, tuna mercury warnings, an updated profile picture of a 100-year-old woman I must have accidently friended, and an Ann Taylor marketing ad telling me I left something in my cart. I don’t mind fast. But I’m the generation that rode a bus to a real building downtown called a department store, where I tried on a coat, gave the clerk a down payment with my babysitting money where she whisked the coat away to the backroom where I paid on the coat every week for six weeks before I ever saw it again. That generation.
Turns out, there’s not a lot to be afraid of–I’m just not sure I have the energy. But I’m here now, and fairly addicted.
Why did I do this to myself? Why did I, after all these years of Facebook’s existence, finally get on? Mainly because I want to function in this world. Probably the same reason years ago to obtain a drivers license. I needed to get around and the bus was for old people. Although, I’ve been told Facebook is now for old people and the young people have moved on to Snapchat. Great. But at least I’ll know when someone in my family is sick, going on a trip, or engaged, before Dennis knows.
I’m glad I’m here. And that’s about all “that’s on my mind.” I think I’ll take a break from blogging and go see what’s on other people’s minds. I wouldn’t want to miss any jokes, or affirmations, warnings, celebrations, or an ad reminding me of my latest internet browsing or miss a sweet loving wave from my sister. Party on!